Slow and Steady

Slow and Steady

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins not through strength but perseverance.”

Jackson Brown Jr.
American author

My niece was always naturally athletic. In kindergarten, she was always the fastest in her class and when she got to elementary school, she was easily the fastest girl in her grade. In first grade, she won the school marathon and so was given the coveted position of relay race runner. This was something kids repeated to each other in hushed tones, “She’s a relay race runner.” This was said regardless of its relevance to the topic at hand.

So, when she was picked to be a relay race runner in second grade, it was somewhat expected. Not only was she a relay race runner, she was also in the anchor position, an added honor rewarded only to the fastest of the bunch.

A few days before the race, I asked my niece whether she had been practicing for the relay. She looked at me as if in surprise. She explained to me that were she to practice too much she would get tired. I looked and pressed, “are you sure that’s the best way to prepare?” She nodded confidently with a slight smile – she was the expert after all.

Photo Credit: Mark Zimmermann

The day of the race came, and my husband jostled for a good position to take video of our little niece in what we hoped to be her moment of glory. He ended up standing next to a particularly enthusiastic father who was yelling advice to his daughter as the young kids dashed down their lanes. Red-faced, sweating and excited, this father then threw up his hand triumphantly as his daughter, an anchor for the yellow team, crossed the finished line – first place!

Our darling little niece, had ended up tripping and scraping her knee. Even so, she still got up and bravely finished the race – third place – not bad overall. Her knee was scraped quite badly and the nurse, her mother and father came over to comfort her and clean her knee. She cried from the pain and her shame at the loss, with sand mixing with her tears and leaving brown streaks across her plump little 8-year-old cheeks.

My sister later heard that the girl who had won the race had practiced running with her now very proud and enthusiastic father every day for a year in preparation for the relay.

Although the story was a bitter one for my niece, it was an important lesson for us all. Every story has a flip side and were we related to the other little girl it would have been a “Tortoise and the Hare” victory story. That day, we experienced the loss from the perspective of the Hare. Although in many ways it becomes a story we’d like to forget or to change, to do so would cover over the essential lesson we need to learn in order to be truly successful in life.

In our efforts to be closer to what God intended, to fulfill our highest potential, we need to face life’s experiences with honesty, humility and gratitude. Today, let’s not skip over the bad moments we have in life. Let us reflect, let us learn from our mistakes and keep going, keep working to become a better version of ourselves.

 That day, we learned that slow and steady wins the race and that it was the everyday habits leading up to the race that made all the difference.

The sting of that memory pushes us now: What are the habits I need to develop today to get closer to my goals?

Strengthening Bonds of Understanding: A Family Workshop Experience

Strengthening Bonds of Understanding: A Family Workshop Experience

Family Peace Association encourages families to explore and affirm their core values together as they grow to become God-centered families. Family workshops are becoming a successful model to facilitate exchange between parents and children on important subjects such as values and traditions. Here is a story from a family who attended a recent family workshop hosted by the Family Peace Association in the United States.

Dad was usually reserved at home. He said little, smiled little. But today, he joined his son and daughters in a play as part of a three-day family workshop that explored the universal principles and values of their heritage and how it informs how their family should live as global citizens. He and his son exchanged lines that made the audience laugh. He tried to suppress his own smiles as his daughter joined in with their own punch lines.

Competing in a game of soccer with the whole family.

The family had decided to attend the unique summer workshop together. The workshop was hosted by Family Peace Association USA, organized by a high school student for his Boy Scout Eagle Project. The workshop explored America’s founding principles and how they might be applied more broadly to global citizenship.

Dad initially came to make sure his eldest daughter was cared for; she was recovering from surgery on her foot, which made walking and sitting difficult. He wants to make sure she could get up the stairs, got food and water, and to help ease her pain however he could.

As the days progressed, a deeper purpose emerged as father, daughters, and son explored principles and values together. They began to engage in conversations that are difficult to broach on an everyday basis. They began to share about the values that they aspired to embody as a family.

Sometimes they sat together, parents and children in the same group, sharing and listening to each other. Other times, they sat in separate peer groups, dad with other parents, the children with other young adults. With peers and with one another, they talked about God and His presence in their lives and the world and topics ranging from love to service and goodness.

In self-study sessions, father, son, and daughter had time to delve into research of topics like men and women and ideas that were inspired by God to take risks and strive to make a better world. The workshop provided a shared experience for the family to explore their family’s values together.

Sharing his reflection of the family workshop.

“As an immigrant, I was so inspired to come here with my children to learn how God was involved in the founding of this nation,” reflected dad, who is originally from Japan.

As they studied together, they discovered new things about each other and shared on perhaps the most important things, in ways that they wouldn’t have been able to do in the milieu of every day.

Mom came on the third day to help cook lunch. At the closing they stood together as a family in the closing photo, a memento of the three days that they took to explore and outline the principles and values that they as a family honored, and how they wanted to manifest in in their daily relationships and lives.

No doubt, it would be the first of many they would attend together as a family.

Core Values for Life: Tackling the Topic of Judgment

Core Values for Life: Tackling the Topic of Judgment

Have you witnessed someone being judged or been judged yourself? Have you caught yourself judging someone else?

Judgment is a topic that is relevant to everyone at every age. This week, Core Values for Life (CVL) invited college and young professional from across the United States and Canada to tackle the topic of judgment on the CVL bi-monthly nation-wide video call.

Granted, there are multiple aspects of judgment, between individuals, by society, institutions, coworkers, friends, and family, and even the judgment we place on ourselves. One young man described the act of judging as thoughts or actions that “place someone in a box.”

We need to ask ourselves, ‘What is the end goal?’ It’s important to uphold a standard and we want people to connect to similar values, but what is an effective state of mind to be in to relate with other people? When we feel the need to place judgment on others, there is a lack of understanding and compassion. We need to understand this dynamic because at the end of the day, it is about growth.

A college student from Washington State agreed on the importance of understanding. “In our families, maybe it isn’t ‘judgment’ but ‘feedback’ to help others and ourselves grow,” he said. “We can have the biggest conflict but because we love each other and have trust, we are also trying to understand each other and take on a different perspective to help each other grow.”

One young women who recently became a new mom shared her thoughts on how to take a proactive attitude in addressing judgment.

Sometimes I find myself in situations where I feel judged but in reflection it’s more self-imposed. Someone could make a comment and it’s not that critical or could even be directed at someone or something else, but I can take it personally and feel judged. So, what can I do to not be affected negatively? I could be insecure about certain things and that allows me to feel judged, even if something is said with good intention. I have to address my own insecurity. On the other hand, sometimes I can unintentionally come off as judgmental but that happens because of ignorance, not understanding others or others not understanding me.

When we get the feeling of being judged, an instinctive reaction for many of us may be to take a defensive stance. One caller contributed, “A defensive attitude is not the best way to understand what the other person is trying to tell you. It takes a lot of effort and training to get to that point. We have a purpose in life to think from a perspective of serving. We are channels for God. When we train ourselves to be more able to understand, we become more positive.”

So, how do we train ourselves?

 

“Take a breath and don’t just react.”

“Before you pass judgment stop and think. Is this the right moment to say something?”

“Be humble and grateful. You can grow and expand to be more than who you are right now.”

“Listen to your conscience. It is your own judge.”

 

Terms like judgment, constructive criticism, and feedback were thrown around in the conversation. As one young father stated on the call, “Feedback is essential to growth.” However, at the end of the day, remember that the difference between simply putting judgment on someone else and presenting feedback is in how you support that person afterwards. Whether you are a parent, mentor, or friend, being supportive of the person over the long term is how you demonstrate responsibility and uphold the values you stand for.

Being Responsible for My Choices

Being Responsible for My Choices

“Why should I practice piano?” Yoshi asked himself. He had a choice between practicing his piano or continue reading his comic book.

“I promised I would practice every day,” he reminded himself. “And practice helps me in many ways. I get better at piano so I can play nice music. I become responsible for my own actions, and I make Mom happy.”

He closed his comic book, walked over to the piano, opened his practice book and began to practice.

Later in the day, when Mom came home, he proudly announced that he had practiced his piano. A big smile spread over her face as she said, “Thank you!”

Yoshi (far left) helps organize candy donations during CVA service project.

Earlier in the week at Core Values Academy, Yoshi’s class learned the importance of owning their own choices.

Ownership he learned, means doing things not only because you were told to, but because you understand and agree with the value of the action.

In many areas of his life, Yoshi’s parents ask him to do things like practice piano, study, eat healthy, do chores, pray, and spend time studying about his spiritual values. Without personal ownership, these actions could become routine that Yoshi did only when his parents reminded him. Ownership, allows each action to become a conscious choice that he takes to put his values into action.

For example:

  • I study so I can gain knowledge that can help God and the world.
  • I eat healthy so I can have a strong body to help God, the world and be there for my family.
  • I do chores so I can be responsible in my family and myself.
  • I pray to invest in my relationships with God, and reflect on what He taught me that day.
  • I study about my values so I can know about the values of my family.

He learned that small everyday choices are opportunities to own his values and important preparation for the larger, groundbreaking choices that he will have to make in the future.

That week each student was asked to make a goal through which they could practice owning their choices. Yoshi chose to practice piano.

That week he made his mother happy, made his teacher proud, and owned the value of practice and daily discipline a little more.


Try it at Home:

Make a list of expected actions for your children.

Talk about each one with your child. Explain what values they can put into practice when they work to meet those expectations.

Make a goal with your child to “own” one of those expectations this week.

At the end of the week reflect on what they learned about ownership as well as the values that they put into practice by owning that action.

Talk about hypothetical situations where they will have to own their choice of action. (Ex: Sharing with a sibling, choosing to lie or tell the truth, doing chores or not, etc.)

Bridge of Trust

Bridge of Trust

“Did you brush your teeth?” David’s mother asked him.

David almost said, “Yes,” without thinking. But he stopped himself. He really didn’t brush his teeth. It was habit to give mom the answer he thought she wanted even if it wasn’t true.

“No.” he said, “But I will now.”

Mom smiled and said, “Great.”

David breathed a sigh of relief, he had put another stone in his bridge of trust with mom, and he had practiced his truth telling muscle.

This week in Core Values Academy David learned about the bridge of trust that he had between himself and others.

They learned about the story of the “Boy Who Cried Wolf” and how the boy’s lies had broken his trust with the villagers.

But just as lies weaken or break the bridge of trust, truth strengthens the bridge.

The most important bridge, he learned, was the bridge between God and himself and the bridge of trust between himself and his parents. These bridges are there to get love, advice and help. That is why telling the truth is so important, it strengthens these important connections.

But telling the truth is not always easy. Sometimes it seems like lying will be an easy way out. But in the long run, the truth helps find the problem and get help.

That is why it is important to use the truth muscle, even in small things like brushing teeth. When we practice the truth muscle, we have it ready for when we need it when we have to talk about bigger problems and questions with God and our parents.


Try it At Home:

Talk about the difference between truth and lies.

Draw the bridge of truth with your children. Discuss how the bridge is the path for God and parents to connect to the child and give love, guidance and help.

Talk about how truth strengthens the bridge and how lies break the bridge.

Talk about different examples where they could tell the truth or lie. (ex: brushing teeth, breaking something, hurting a sibling, taking something without permission)

Make a goal to choose to tell the truth this week. Use the bridge as a reminder.

Experiencing God through Mentoring

Experiencing God through Mentoring

CVA Principal Maruko Breland thanks volunteers for service to CVA students

The Core Values Academy is a weekly program that provides children age 4-16 a place to reinforce and develop values that they are cultivating in the family.

In ways, Core Values Academy resembles a family – mentors are like elder brothers and sister, and many teachers are parents of students. Every week mentors and teachers are taught valuable lessons on how to put values like “living for the sake of others into practice.”

“Being an older brother or sister is one of the greatest ways to come to understand and resemble God’s Heart,” CVA Principal Maruko Breland said at the opening of a teacher and mentor training program in Seattle, Washington. “God doesn’t just see a person where they’re at now. He’s sees where they came from and where they will get to.”

Teachers and mentors discussed their insights and experience, as volunteer teachers, developed their capacity through presentations on classroom management and professionalism, and wrote out class expectations.

Some mentors reflected on the challenges in the classroom. One mentor said he has learned the importance of embodying the values that they are teaching. Another jokingly said his patience has been stretched to a new capacity.

What lessons have you learned in your family relationships about God?